I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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