i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
