I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
