so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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