Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
