I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
