My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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