I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
