im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
