I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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