and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
