i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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