i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
