the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
