This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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