I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
