allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Semen is not good for contacts.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
