Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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