This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
