so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
