Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
