I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
