i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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