My nipple is on Facebook.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
