You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think i have herpe
just one?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
