My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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