I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
