Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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