I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
