His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
