The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are the jesus of drinking
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