I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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