When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
