I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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