I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This house was built for laser tag.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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