did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
