Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
