a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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