Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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