I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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