You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
