what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
