we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
