Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
