Whod you bang
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
