I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
