I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
