White coat. Heels.
Pappa wants mamma naked
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
