i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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