I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
