dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
