Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He? As in you personified your dick?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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