The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there's paper in my vomit.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
